Ride out (chapter 1)

The two cars revved hardly. The watching world was cheering for someone awesome. His name is Paul. He was in a team called Ride out. When one person was in jail they all thought what’s point being a team so they split up. Paul was in his Lamborghini Aventedo . They were having a race . They went off. The Aventedor was much faster than the Maserati. The la drifted to the finish line. As soon as he got out of the car he saw someone familiar. It was Derek. He was a murderer. He tried to kill the prime minister so that he could rule the USA his way. But they drove him to a mountain and he fell of the cliff in his car. ” I know what your thinking that I am Derek I am his twin brother you guys are idiots.” He exclaimed to the crowd. He has used reinforcements for his car he has cheated you. Paul went to check his car. He does have reinforcements. The world hated him . The world was everything to Paul. The twin got in the car and he drove of, chasing him…..

 

2 thoughts on “Ride out (chapter 1)

  1. Hi David,
    I think this is a one way road to an extraordinary story. I believe that your ending is perfect as it leaves it in a cliffhanger and it makes you want to read the next chapter. You also started your story really well instead of using ‘Once upon a time..’ or ‘One day..’

    I only have one EBI and that is if you could have added more detail to each of your sentences. other than that I think that your post is excellent.

    Shilton – 16shiltona

  2. Hi David

    This story is awesome and I like how you have made some links with the film Fast & Furious 7 as we both enjoyed the film as we have spoken about it in real life. Also I like how you haven’t wrote Fast & Furious 7’s book you’ve just added some of the names and made it like a racing genre.

    But to make it better you could of added some more detail and make your sentences a bit longer other than that the story was great.

    Ilijah

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